You’re So Cute When You’re Mad

This blog post was reposted with permission from the author, Jeanette Maw. It originally appear in her highly recommended blog, the Good Vibe Blog located at http://goodvibeblog.com/2011/08/so-cute-when-youre-mad/

You should visit Jeanette on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/GoodVibeU

Jeanette Says:

“Lately I’ve been playing with not giving a rip what others think.

It’s a good skill for deliberate creation.

Because when we care more what others think than what our Inner Guidance thinks, the vibe gets kinky.  And that kinky vibe slows the flow of good stuff from our vortex.

I’ve personally found the habit of caring too much what others think is more deeply ingrained than I realized.  Like …

• The other day I was embarrassed when I referenced a scene from Bachelor Pad.  (Yes, I watched.)
• I wonder if my mailman feels unappreciated when I don’t pick up the mail every day.   (Seriously?!)
• I wondered if the neighbors thought it weird that I spent 30 minutes petting their cat on their driveway.  (I probably am.  Weird, that is.)

If I clocked it, I bet I worry or at least consider what someone else thinks as often as men think about sex.  And that’s a lot.

So how does one stop giving a rip what others think? To live less out of living up to others’ expectations and instead answer our own call?

I turned to three experts for help on this topic:  Abraham, Michele Woodward, and Amy Pearson.

First up, when Michele Woodward addressed Masters of Creation Circle this week, she said that it’s a process to get to that place of caring less what others think, and it’s a process founded on self-love.

I couldn’t agree more, because when we fully appreciate who we are, and are confident and approving of ourselves, others opinions just don’t weigh as heavily as when we’re filled with doubt or self-loathing.

Michelle said that when she has the sense that someone disapproves of her, she looks for any truth in it.  Example:

“Am I talking too much?  Am I failing to create a reciprocity in this conversation?”

And if there is something which is true, I accept the knowledge of it as a gift.  But if there’s something in the disapproval which is completely not true, I attribute it to her pain body, figuratively pat her on the head and move on.

While she has compassion for those who live in fear or conflict, she doesn’t carry it for them.  “I have learned not to be a wet sponge, soaking up the emotions of others.  Rather, I am dry-as-a-bone – and I let it all run off me.”

That’s a nice example of what it looks like.  But I notice I can think myself in circles without anyone even saying a word to me.  Like when Andy Dooley joined us at Good Vibe U this week, I found myself wondering what he thought of our LOA party.  Did he like it?  Would he stay?  What did he think?

Lord help me if he ever actually says anything critical to me!

Here’s what Amy Pearson, who offers excellent remedies to Approval Addicts, had to say:

The thing about approval seeking is that it completely disconnects you from yourself so you end up totally stuck. Most of the people I work with have no idea what they even want. They have spent so much time focused externally.  How can you attract what you want when you don’t even know what it is?

In this post Amy shares five steps for overcoming approval addiction, beginning with mindfulness (notice it), compassion (don’t beat yourself up for it), and courage (it takes guts to be yourself).  Be sure to sign up for Amy’s free email course for approval addicts.

Let’s check with Abe on this subject.  Here’s an exchange between a workshop participant and Abraham about how kids can show us the way to not worry so much what others think:

Guest: I stopped for lunch somewhere and went in.  There was a mother, a father and a beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful little maybe 2 or 3 year old blonde-hair, blue-eyed girl.

And she was just being a little girl and she was standing on the chair and the father said, “I TOLD YOU, SIT DOWN, GET OFF THAT CHAIR!”  And the mother said right after, “WHY ARE YOU SO DIFFICULT?”  “WHY ARE YOU SO DIFFICULT?”

So, I had my phone with me, and when I saw that, I was texting my wife that, “I’m gonna help this mother and father transition and take this little girl home.”  (laughter)

And then, this little girl looked at me like, “I’ll take care of this,” (laughter) stood up on her chair and said, with no anger, complete JOY, said, “I’m not difficult,  I’m not difficult,” sat down, turned towards me, and just looked at me and started LAUGHING! And she wouldn’t stop!  Like, “Everything’s cool here, everything’s good here!”

It was unbelievable!  It was really cool.

Abraham: So, you and the child, on the same wavelength … having an experience and communicating with one another fully.  And her message to you, and now to the world is, “My parents do not have to behave in a way that is pleasing to me because I got it covered.   I got it covered.  You’re not taking me out of the Vortex.  And she’s saying, “And you, dear new friend who have come along to help me out – we can’t do anything about them.  We can just know what we know.”   (applause)  from Stamford, CT in May 2011

One more from Abe about embracing the habit of not trying to gain others’ approval:

When you really get there, somebody will disapprove of you and it will strike you as funny. It won’t bring you to your knees!

You won’t say, “Oh, oh, oh, what do I need to do differently?” You’ll just say, “Pffffffft! I’m sorry you have a problem with me, but it really isn’t something I can do anything about. This is between you and you.”

And they’ll say, “No it isn’t between me and me, it’s between YOU and me! And you need to be different.”

And you’ll say, “I can’t be different enough, so deal with it!”

Isn’t that liberating? “I can’t be what you need me to be so you can be happy. I’m giving this up! I’m releasing you to your own joy or bondage. And in the process, I’m releasing me. I’m standing on my head no longer to please anyone! I’m tuned in to who I am. And because I’m tuned in to who I am, I am in love with life! And you are SO cute when you are mad!”   Alaska cruise, July 2008

That’s what I want more of.  To not be trapped by caring what others think, but to care more about my own Inner Guidance opinion, and not feel guilty for it.

Here’s to being able to say to the next person who is upset that we don’t care what they think: “You are SO cute when you’re mad!””

Tags: Abraham, Amy Pearson, approval, give a rip, michele woodward, Self-Love